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Why Support the Cactus Rose Equine Foundation?
Dave's Story
From the time that I could read well, I fell in love with military history. I began, initially, to study World War II and the Korean War more than anything. As my passion and knowledge continued to expand, I began to look deeper into American military history. That expanded into the full world of military history, from the Roman Empire and Genghis Khan to the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt and into modern warfare. At an early age I felt a calling to join the United States Marine Corps. That was my goal, my calling, my passion. I enlisted and went to USMC boot camp at MCRD San Diego, CA shortly after high school graduation. I spent eight years on active duty, including multiple deployments to Iraq between 2004 and 2006. I came back from those deployments a different man. To some extent, I knew what had changed me. I did not believe that I was a victim of what had once been called Shell Shock, or later, Combat Fatigue. I certainly did not believe that I had any issues with what we were now calling Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I was a strong leader. I was a hardened veteran. As a newly promoted USMC Sergeant, I was to come back home and pass on my leadership and experience to new Marines. I was sent to a training command where I was initially one of the very few Marines who had been deployed to the Middle East. Even at that time, it was difficult to relate to my peers, let alone my superiors. Still, I was determined that I did not have PTSD. How could I? Why would I? So many of our servicemen and women who came before me experienced so much more. That included my grandfather and my father-in-law. My Grandpa Wayne Cotton (SGT, USMC) was a Chosin Reservoir Marine. My father-in-law Ed Oliver (USMC – Rank Refused), was a Vietnam veteran who lost his arm in combat. Surely, I did not have PTSD after the little that I had dealt with….
I was promoted to Staff Sergeant and selected for Warrant Officer, but with a failing marriage amidst an affair I left the Marine Corps in 2010. I then left my wife and filed for divorce that same year. I felt lost and I didn’t feel that anyone, or anything, really fit into who or what I was. I went into the “civilian world.” I got a job… I thought that making more money would be the cure. I would become “normal.” My life and livelihood continued to decline for the next year. I missed my ex-wife, and I missed my daughters. I began searching for jobs back in Texas in an attempt to be closer to them. I ended up with two good job offers. I flew back to Washington state, where I was working and living at the time. I pondered and prayed. The Lord has never spoken to me more clearly, before or after… “Leave what you’re doing, come back to Me and your family, and I will bless you.” The other option didn’t seem to need an explanation. I knew that things were rolling downhill, and there was nothing I could do in my own strength to right the ship.
I took the better of the job offers and planned to move back to Texas. I called Erika (the ex) and explained what the Lord had put in my heart. I told her that I had no expectations of getting back together, and I certainly didn’t expect her to forgive me for walking out on her and our two beautiful daughters. I simply told her that I was coming back to Texas to be close to them, and I would be there for them in any way that I could. Whatever boundaries she wanted to set were perfectly acceptable. Through the prayers of my family, particularly my sweet mother, and friends who still believed in God’s healing grace, we were remarried in September of 2011. Erika showed me a kind of grace and forgiveness that is beyond all human capacity. So did my family, for that matter. But especially from Erika… that kind of grace can only come from God. That did not mean that my struggles were over. I continued to struggle with anxiety, paranoia, anger, depression, alcohol abuse… All through this I was speaking to veteran groups and encouraging them not to allow themselves to be “tagged” with PTSD and use it as an excuse to fail at life. “You are a highly trained leader, a warrior! Yet you are told that you have a “disorder” that you now use as an excuse to fail at your job, and more importantly, as an excuse to fail your family. To say, ‘I can’t help it. I have PTSD.’” All that while, I was doing “just fine.” You see, I don’t have an issue… I can’t have an issue… I’m a little uptight, but that’s just how it goes… All dads and husbands get uptight, lose their temper, etc. etc. etc… But I continued to have that passion for helping others, particularly veterans, law enforcement, and first responders. The Lord continually brought people into my life who needed to hear what God had put in my heart and they needed Jesus. I shared my story of God’s grace and shared the gospel.
Let’s backtrack for just a minute in order to set up where we’re going next. When I was a little boy, I had two dreams. That was all. Just the two. I grew up watching Westerns and riding horses with my dad, my uncles and my grandpa Cotton, so the first dream was to be John Wayne. Or maybe even an actor and real cowboy like Ben Johnson. Then at the age of seven, after reading a biography about Lewis “Chesty” Burwell Puller (Marine! The Life of Chesty Puller [Burke Davis]), I decided I had to be a United States Marine first and foremost. Then, when I found out that my grandpa Cotton had been at the Chosin Reservoir with our beloved Chesty Puller during the Korean War there was no doubt. Two dreams: Marine now, cowboy later. Now, I’ll never claim to be a real cowboy. I’ll leave that title to the men and women who do the real cowboy work. But the Lord did bless me with cows and horses and the ability to ride and teach… and through those years and that blessing I started to feel a calling to use it to help those who might be struggling. And then… I started to realize, I may in fact have been struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress myself, all these years. Let’s back up for a moment, again, to set up what we need to discuss next…
I was working in the field of radiation oncology (linear accelerators that target cancer tumors) and I was making a very good salary. It’s what I had been doing since I got out of the Marine Corps. But there was something inside of me that wanted out of that industry, and we began to pray about starting a horse-riding school. Teaching had been a passion of mine since I had been at the training command in Pensacola while I was still on active duty. I had a passion for training horses and teaching our own kids to ride properly. Not just to steer a horse with reigns as many schools teach, but to learn to communicate with the horse in every aspect. To learn to ride… Our plan was to open a horse-riding school on the weekends and use my salary to get by until we could possibly open it full-time. God had other plans. The same week that we opened the riding school I was laid off. We prayed and wept and had no idea what might come next. Would we lose this ranch that we had prayed for, worked for, and been blessed with? The answer from the Lord was, “Trust Me. Move forward and DO IT!”
We opened the riding school full time that week. What we quickly realized is that this is not just a riding school, not just a business. This is a ministry. When people see who our family is, what we do, and why we do it, God opens doors. It’s nothing that we’ve done on our own, it’s only because of God’s work and what He wills.
We began to see special needs families coming out to try our program because of what they were hearing. We are not a therapeutic riding center, and yet, the Lord seemed to keep opening those doors. Veterans, law-enforcement, and first responders continued to come and try our program to see what the “hype” was about. Some of them are a part of our program today… but unfortunately, the vast majority of those families and individuals are not able to afford to continue in our program, despite the fact that they desperately wanted to continue.
Erika and I, again, began to pray and ask where the Lord was directing us. I began to feel more and more of a passion for helping those struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress through our horsemanship program. But how? We had seen things happen with children and adults just doing what we do… So, we prayerfully developed our Healing with Horses program. We began to build a groundwork-based curriculum that centers on communication and relationship building with horses. And then…
In the summer of 2023, I was talking with a close friend, who is also a veteran. He loved the passion and Healing with Horses concept that we discussed and passed on the info of a former peer who had retired and was doing something similar in Tennessee. Through that relationship I was able to attend a Join-Up International Veterans Clinic in Solvang, CA at Flag is Up Farms in September of that year. Flag is Up Farms is the personal ranch and training facility for world-renowned horse trainer Monty Roberts, who has become a friend and mentor. Monty began to understand the healing ability that working with horses can have, particularly with veterans, during the Korean War. He saw the effect that returning from combat with no training to transition back to civilian life was having on soldiers. He saw anger, alcohol abuse, even physical abuse in the home (all of which he had experienced from his own father in his early years). He began to invite them to assist him in training horses for the US Army and immediately saw the calming effect of working with horses. Fast-forward to when we began to really consistently use the term Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to describe what had been previously known by other names (i.e. Combat Fatigue, Shell Shock, etc.), Monty had a problem with that. We’re telling veterans, first responders, law enforcement, trauma victims, etc. that they have a DISORDER. He wrote his doctoral dissertation on the matter while completing his PhD in sociobiology. A disorder is something that cannot be undone. You’re born with it, or it develops, and you’re stuck with that condition forever. But Post-Traumatic Stress is not a disorder. It is an injury… and INJURIES CAN HEAL! So, he began to use the acronym PTSI in place of PTSD and we have adopted that in our program. Just hearing those words was an epiphany for me personally. Just thinking about it as something that can heal has helped me to grow personally and has had the same effect on so many that I’ve shared this with. Just changing the vernacular can change the mindset and begin the healing process right then and there.
Because of that, we have prayerfully founded the Cactus Rose Equine Foundation. Through this non-profit organization, our goal is to raise funds to initially sponsor full tuition to our Healing Heroes with Horses program and clinics for veterans, law-enforcement, and first responders struggling with PTSI. As this foundation continues to grow, we would like to be able to sponsor tuition for special needs families for our Healing with Horses program as well. Please prayerfully consider how you can be a part of this ministry, whether financially, through volunteer work, or simply through prayer.
